Today Is an In-Between Day

Here I am.
Waiting.
Waiting on what does God want me to do now?
I have never been in this situation before. (Yes, I know I ended that sentence with a preposition, but don't write me off yet, English teachers. Please.)

All of my adult life I have worked. I have been busy. Busyness defined my worth, or so I was taught. The world reinforces this. As a former high-school principal, Blackberrys, cell phones, calendars were required companions. No one sat in a meeting without the precious cell phone, the ability to be reached no matter where one went, even the bathroom. I'll never forget being in a stall in the bathroom and hearing a woman next to me say, "Hello?" After responding to what I thought was a strange initation of friendship, I soon realized she was on the phone. I still find it a wonder that people think the echo of a bathroom can not be recognized by the callers.

Even when meeting with parents in parent-teacher conferences, mothers often complained but with much pride how busy their schedules were as well. Children are also caught up in the "busyness=worthiness-syndrome."

Recently, after a sleepover for my nine-year old daughter, her friends sat around our breakfast table replying to one child's question: "Let's compare our schedules! Who is the busiest person here?" After she listed her daily activities which appalled even me, the table went quiet. Within a minute, though, each child tried one-upping the other with the activities she had after school.

This week my sister called. The normal question, "What have you been doing?" filled me with dread. I had quit my job to care for our aging parents. After both went to heaven within the past 24 months, I felt not only grief, but also great guilt.
Where is MY schedule, my list of activities, my busy life now?

At fifty-six, I ask God, what do you wish me to do for you now? After adopting my daughter, caring for my parents, leaving the teaching profession, what can I do at this late stage of life? Is it too late to do meaningful work? Is it too late to be used in a significant way?

So I wait.
My busy life filled with meetings and paperwork and supervision is replaced with walks in the woods, bicycling, Bible studies, private conversations with God, and attending my daughter's not-too-busy schedule.

I am in between. Waiting. In a world of quick access and fast food, waiting is not easy.
I remember big moments of waiting.
I waited for our daughter's adoption to finalize from China for almost two years.
I waited to find the right husband who loved God first, then me.
I waited for God to intervene as I watched my parents suffer before they were released from pain and went to live with Him.

Even in daily little things I experience the frustration of waiting. For example, no matter how close I try to cut it for a doctor or dentist appointment, I will be kept waiting. The appointment is at 2:00? Fine, I arrive at 1:58. Still I wait in the reception room until 2:20 or later. Another example is a stoplight. There are probably seven stoplights on the way to my daughter's school, yet only one frustrates me. I never hit that stoplight at green. The camera smirks at me as I watch with dismay when I come close to the intersection and watch the light turn yellow then red. I watch the clock tick off 8 full minutes as I see the school a half block away.

Waiting.

Are you waiting for God's direction, too? That is what this blog is about. (Yep, there's that preposition at the end of the sentence again.) It is about sharing what it is like to wait on God and feel the inbetween time of life.

Perhaps you are waiting on a job, healing, a loved one, a family need.
Join me, won't you?
We can wait together.
He is with us.
It may not feel like it.
That's because we are in tne in between time.
Waiting.