O.K. I have to admit it.
After years of knowing I do NOT snore, I finally woke myself up...with the sound of my snoring.
It was a weird experience. I came home from my part-time job, let the dog out, and saw the inviting lounge chair on the deck. The breeze was cool, the sun warm. The chair called me to sit, just for a moment before I returned to household chores and picking up my daughter from school.
I sat down and was out. In seconds, I had drifted into a NAP!
Yes, I actually took an afternoon nap, unplanned, a nap!
Not only did I nap, but I woke myself up with one of those unladylike snort, snort snort sounds. You may know it if you are older than 40.
It was the sound of my father snoozing on Sunday afternoon. It was the sound of my mother dozing off in the middle of a conversation.
Now, it was MY sound.
Sigh. I have to admit, it felt awfully good. I mean, I don't sleep that well at night any more. The doctor said that just comes with age as my body temperature varies each night waking me up hot, then cold, then hot.
I am very aware of this new part of life for me. I am aging. No, truth be told, I am considered old.
Returning to the classroom to substitute teach for a young teacher who went on maternity leave has emphasized this fact for me the past few months.
I am not comfortable with that fact. I don't like knowing I snore, or rather snort, nor that I can doze off in the afternoon unexpectedly and wake with a start surprised at the flight of time.
As I face new territory, I pray I keep a sense of humor about it. I pray I keep a grateful heart for all I am still able to do. I pray I keep a relationship with God fresh and alive each morning...and afternoon.
It is an in between time of life. Each new stage presents its own challenges and fears. I find myself watching old people in the community and trying to guess their ages. I find myself wondering what battles they are fighting and how they are handling the aging process. It seems to be a secret until it happens to you.
...And I get it more and more with each passing day, with each loss of a loved one, with each realization of new limits, that all of this life is an in between time. All of this life is only a waiting space for the time we go to spend eternity with God.
I hope to use this in between time wisely for Him, don't you?
I hope He can still use me even as I am drawn to that chair on the deck in the afternoon sun.
I hope he doesn't mind if I snore.
For His glory,
Gretchen
OH, Gretchen, I LOVE this post!! I, too, just KNEW I didn't snore until one day I dozed off for a mid-afternoon nap with the sun coming in the window, lulling me to sleep with its warmth. It was an unworldly like snooze, everything in my dream in a white haze when this awful snort, snort, SNORT, woke me up and I thought, 'How rude!!'.. Then starting laughing, half amused, half mortified that no one but I was in the room and I had made that sound!!
ReplyDeleteOh, if only the mortification had stopped there... more and more frequently I would wake myself at night or while sitting with my legs propped up watching TV WITH someone else in the room with me. And when I opened my eyes, my husband would be looking at me with a grin on his face and I'd growl at him to just turn around and ignore me!!
Now, I sleep with my CPAP machine... yes, a sign of growing older. And my body won't move in ways I'd love it to move. My eyes won't stay open when I want them to, like in the middle of a movie I'm REALLY enjoying and the end is rapidly approaching, I can't wait to see what happens and... I FALL ASLEEP!!!! Aaargh! I missed the end!
I am growing old, sometimes it's my mind that's growing old faster than my body, sometimes it's my body aging faster than my mind and I sometimes wonder - - Hey, what's up with this, God? I need a little help here!
I don't think he minds if we snore...