I hit bottom last night. It was over a silly remark a friend made to me.
She made the remark without realizing to whom she was talking. It was innocently done. She was focusing on her own situation in life and just said it.
-But she said it several times.
-And it hurt.
"If I don't take this job offer now, I won't probably get the chance in the future because in a few years I'll be 50 and you know you are no longer marketable as a woman when you are over 50!"
Sigh.
Yes, I am over 50.
Driving home, I started thinking of all the dreams I had when I was like this woman. --All my goals.
Anything seemed possible. I could start a new career. Change direction in my life. Move.
In fact, every vacation we took became an "I-wonder-what-life-would-be-like-moving-here?" discussion.
Now I realized after those words were repeated to me "no longer marketable," how limited my choices are. I most likely won't get a chance to live in Colorado as I dreamed of doing since 15 years old. I most likely won't be a television, news producer behind the scenes writing and directing as I dreamed of doing in my 20's and 30's.
So, I got depressed. I let myself do that. I started whining about how life was passing me by or had passed me by and I had blown all my chances.
Isn't it ironic this happened just after I was going to fast from whining and complaining and focus on gratitude?
I think Satan knew this weak spot. This fear I have of aging, of feeling useless...he knows that.
That is why I came home from work to read the Scriptures, to once again remind myself of God's plan, love, and purpose for me. In heaven, I will have a job. I will not worry about being a "marketable age" any more! I will work for the best boss, Jesus!
OK. I'm better now. God's Word heals.
I hope God is speaking to you today through His Word. Just five minutes will help.
It helped me.
For His Glory,
Gretchen
Way to overcome. Whenever I feel "old," I remember that today is all I have - no yesterday, no tomorrow. Trite? Maybe. True? Yes. Hang in there. You have great insight and talent.
ReplyDeleteThanks, Rebecca! :-)
ReplyDeleteOh, Gretchen, Please keep on keeping on! You are doing so much for people thru your writing! You are SO marketable with your writing!! I struggle with the realization that i may not attain the dream I had of writing books in Maine by the ocean beside a lighthouse in a small cabin with a little nook nestled between a stone fireplace and a window overlooking the ocean. As my PD and fibromyalgia progress, my dream keeps changing shapes and at points is seems totally unattainable. But, the Lord keeps nudging me on, bit by bit. I may not end up in Maine, or writing a book, but I may make cards that brighten up someone's day or get my blog going like you have done and once in awhile helping someone out. I wanted to go back to school to be a counselor, working with people one on one. But, I think God has different plans for me in a way i can still help people. My uncle went back to school in his 70's and got his PhD... That inspires me, gives me hope for continuing to be'marketable' in a way God wants me to be. You are an awesome writer! Not a gift many people have. I think you're right, Satan knows how to grab onto our weak spots and fill us with doubt. But, we, with God's help, will conquer the evil one and make him powerless!
ReplyDeleteI'm looking forward to all your next posts, Gretchen! Debbie