Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Not Well But Healed!

I almost didn't upload the image of Beth Moore's workbook, "Breaking Free." A couple of my friends just don't enjoy her studies. I admit, it is a complete mystery to me as to why not, but I honor their choices.

Yet it is this very Bible study, and I do emphasize BIBLE because that is the source of all of her points she makes, that is helping me understand so much about my own bondage and problems and fears that I feel compelled to share it with you, Dear Reader.

Beth is a Bible teacher from Texas who speaks all over the world. She has written many studies for women (she claims her ministry and heart is for women). I have attended three of her studies. She even came to St. Louis for the first time, and my friends and I were so pleased to be able to hear her in person. She is truly a blessing as she asks sincerely for God to use her life.

So bear with me, no matter how you feel about the teacher here, will you?

I admit I have struggled and continue to struggle with seeing so much suffering and pain in this world. Reading Mary Beth Chapman's tragic loss of her little 5-yr. old and reading how Mary Beth's teenage son accidentally ran over the child with his own car as he hurried into the driveway, has torn me up for days (and nights).

Being with my mother at the hospital as the neurologist diagnosed her finger tremor as the first stage of Parkinson's, watching her fight that battle for almost thirty years, and being with both her and my dad as they took their last breaths, created in me a great fear, fear of loss, loneliness, aging. The world became so scary to me.

I am a What If person. My husband is not. When he leaves at 6 in the morning, I lie there thinking all the horrible "what ifs" and even can envision him in an accident. If my daughter has a sleep over I go through the same thing.

It is ridiculous, isn't it? So much energy wasted on fear. But, please, try to understand this even if you are like my husband and never have such fears cross your mind. My parents were my center of my life. My mother became my best friend when I was in my twenties. I loved being around her. My dad also became so dear to me. Their faith was a rock on which I often relied daily. I had never witnessed such amazing deep faith as theirs.

Seeing them suffer so terribly, seeing their struggles over such a long time span, just ate away at my own trust in God. Dad would say over and over to me, "God is so good." I would nod in agreement, but in my heart, I questioned.

Before you stop reading this pathetic confession, listen to what I heard today in Breaking Free. Beth shared how she was abused as a toddler until about 6th grade. She shared how God set her Monster of Denial and Emotions free over a period of time. Her husband also dealt with tragedy as his 3-yr. old brother burned to death in a freak accident in their garage. He was only 2 at the time. In addition their family lost another child years later.

Beth's husband wondered how his personality would be different and so much better if only...if only he had not had those tragedies in his life. The Holy Spirit revealed to Beth this reply, "You are so much more for God, not because you are well, but because you are HEALED."


Like me, she does not understand such sadness or loss, and like her, I am starting to see as my dad said, "God is good. His plans are for good, not evil." God does not discipline us without healing. We can bring so much more glory to Him in this fallen world if we allow Him to heal us of our fears, doubts, anger, sadness....

What Satan means for evil, God will turn into good, IF we allow Him to do so.

My mother was not well until she died, but she was HEALED daily as she chose to give God glory. More people came to know Christ and drew closer to Him as a result of witnessing her battle and faith than if she had been well for those thirty years.

What about you? Are you well? Then praise God. More importantly though, ARE YOU HEALED? Are you walking with Jesus today? If not, talk to Him about your fears, your doubts, your anger, your worries, your troubles....and join me, won't you, as I trust, "God is good."

For His glory...

No comments:

Post a Comment