Thursday, September 8, 2011
Eye See? I See?
I just spent a scary two hours at the optometrist.
It wasn't her fault.
My migraines have increased to daily episodes, so I decided I needed to start with checking my eyes again before going for an MRI.
As I described my symptoms to her, she warned me that she needed to test for a detached retina.
Gulp! My father had serious eye problems for the later years of his life as he fought diabetes and high blood pressure. My mind went immediately to his struggles even though I did not have a history of high blood pressure, diabetes or migraines. When she left me sitting in the darkened room, I admit to you, I started crying.
I have battled bad eyesight all of my life. My parents thought I was one clumsy kid as I always was the one to misjudge distance at the kitchen table when reaching for milk or items and spilling it everywhere. They did not discover I was near sighted until I was in 7th grade! (Yes, I am that old that eyes were not tested in school regularly nor did we go to the eye doctor as part of a routine visit.)
When I was in 9th grade I was grateful for contacts since glasses were just not the fashionable kind we have today. (Imagine cat-woman glasses and in shades of black or blue.)
So today, I just had it. I also felt such fear. My head began to pound fiercely as my thoughts raced to things like: "OK this is it. You won't be able to read or drive or see your daughter. You will be homebound. This is what getting old is like for you. Get ready. Or...you probably have a brain tumor and will die soon." (Remember, my head was pounding and it had been doing so for 48 hours.)
Now, don't get me wrong. Some of that or any of that could happen. It was just racing to those possibilities set my mind on fire and my heart sank to depression.
Then I remembered the verse, "...peace is his whose mind is set on thee..." I think that is it. Anyway, I started speaking to God. I asked Him to be with me and calm me. I asked Him to heal me, but if He did not wish to do so then to walk with me and help me trust Him like so many of you, Dear Readers, have already done. I know Satan was attacking me in that little room. The spirit of fear is not from God.
I closed my eyes in that dark room, in the silence with only the eye chart glowing in front of me, and I hummed hymns and focused on Jesus. My headache subsided. It did not leave, but it diminished.
So far, the verdict it a bad batch of contacts may have been shipped to me for the past two months. We are trying a new batch. No detached retinas. (PTL) No cataracts.(PTL) No pressure on the optic nerve. (PTL)
It might be migraines or something else, but for now we are trying "bad contacts." To think I went two months with these headaches and fear before testin my eyes again!
But it was a test today of a different sort for me. An "I" see God in difficulties and times of trial test.
I am trying my best to trust Him. Even as I type this blog my head hurts. I don't have the new contacts yet. So I am hopeful this constant pain will go away.
Until then...I pray and trust...
For His Glory.... and hope you do the same...
"For now we see through a glass darkly, but then we will see Him face to face...."