Sunday, November 7, 2010
Insecurity in Making Friends
Last night my home was filled with noise. Lots of noise.
While not unusual for you, it is for me. I made a decision in high school not to depend on anyone. Friendships were too hard.
Remember the days of high school girlfriends? The gossip, the boyfriend dramas, the "you're-in--or-you're out" episodes of cliques? I experienced it all too well my junior and senior year in high school.
So I decided, I could be Miss Independent.
Now as I study Beth Moore's Breaking Free, I realize what a generational sin that is. My father asked me one time, "I really enjoy being alone. I think I could even go as far as to be a hermit. Do you think that is wrong?"
At the time, I thought, "No, being a hermit is just fine." Now, I know better.
In the Bible Study, we discussed the legacy we pass on to our children and their children. We studied the problem of breaking patterns for 3-4 generations. I realized, I needed to change the legacy I was passing on to my daughter.
You see, whenever I am around people, I second guess what I should say, do, how to respond. I worry about every little thing and am extremely self-conscience. This makes me miserable. I rethink what I said and analyze my interactions for days. I even used the "gifts" excuse not to go to or host parties often. You know the gift excuse, don't you? It is where people take inventories of their personalities and discover what their talents or gifts are to help others. I never took the inventory, but I just claimed that the gift of hospitality just wasn't mine, so why try?
Well, that is just not healthy, is it? Time to cast off those chains, break that generational sin. So here I go. I decided to give those insecurities to Jesus and invite people and their children to my home for dinner at least once a month if not more.
The more the merrier. Don't get me wrong. I have had people over before last night. I have prepared many a meal. I just had trouble enjoying the process or preparation and worried over every detail.
Last night I prayed as I prepared. As guests arrived the atmosphere of my quiet house transformed into joyous noise! Children giggled as they ran up and down stairs. Adults shared stories about themselves and cheered as we played in teams for Pictionary.
God blessed our time together. Having Christian fellowship and friendship renews the soul, encourages us that we are not alone.
God did not design us only to talk to Him. He wants us to minister to His children.
I know. Extremes are bad, too. Friends can not replace a relationship with Jesus, but Jesus asks us to be the center of our relationships.
So....pray for me to break these chains....I WAIT to see how He will use me as I break the chains of insecurity and reach out to develop stronger friendships. May your home be filled with joyful noise today.